A breakthrough...

I often want this blog space to be intellectual, and critical. I want it to be AP style perfected, a rival to the best in the blogosphere, using the biggest words, and the best reporting style. This wanting to be perfect is why this blog has been a complete failure. I recall sitting down to write most of my papers in college after procrastinating until the last minute and ending up not turning the assignment in since I was stuck on the first line. It had to be perfect, my papers had to read as my caucasian classmates papers would. My style, my opinion, my voice, me.. wasn't good enough. That's what went through my mind while pursuing a college degree. Maybe I've duped myself all of these years, and when I thought my pen wasn't worthy to touch paper, my thoughts and intelligence not clever enough to be in print...maybe I've been my biggest obstacle in my journey all along.

It's funny, how I'd win all of these awards for writing as a child, and I've often thought that my gift was gone, or maybe I was just lucky. Me, a black woman from the inner-city with a gift for writing? What a thought. How many times have I run from writing in search of another career with no fit? Can you believe that I went to an engineering high school in hopes of becoming a computer engineer? By senior year, I was writing again. College was a complete failure mainly because of my inability to believe in myself and my gift. It was easier to fight racism at my University, easier to attend meetings and organize bake sales, easier to make signs and flyers than to face my own demons of why I don't believe in myself. And now I am in a purgatory of sorts, living, surviving, in training for a server position and not knowing which way to go; which road to take. I vow to bring my journey in this ever changing life back to writing. I believe that it is the only place for me, my road less traveled that will make all the difference.

The crazy thing is that it took a psychic reading to help me see this. Yeah one of my best friends and I went to see a psychic, and she picked up that I had a gift for writing in the middle of a palm reading. (there was no way she could have guessed this information. I didn't have a pen smudge on my hand, and I wasn't wearing one of my rasta hats. She told my that I should write and that I would be successful at it. Yeah I obviously have issues to not see this on my own.

So this is what's going to happen, I'm going to write write write, even if the info is late, even when I'm afraid that I will sound stupid, even when I think that my point of view may be contreversial. Fear and insecurity will not stop me from using my gift any longer. I figure the more I write, the more confidence I'll gain. A comment every here or there from random readers ( i know i don't have a readership...YET lol)would also be appreciated, even if you disagree with me. Thanks for your time!